Learning in the Valleys

How did this all start? When we decided to have children several years ago, I discovered that all the money I spent on birth control over the years probably hadn't been necessary. After over two years of trying to get pregnant, without any diagnosis whatsoever as to why we could not conceive, I accepted my infertile-state as the universe's punishment for deigning to compete in a man's world and under a man's biological schedule. I had been through college and law school, and worked for several years before hearing the tick-tock of my biological clock. So, at thirty-five, we prepared mentally and physically for the addition of a child to our family. But nothing happened.

As the months and years wore on, I became increasingly depressed at the loss of something I took for granted - the ability to reproduce. The grief I endured was not simply over a fruitless struggle, but over the belief that I would leave nothing of any value behind to show that I was here long after I was gone. This emptiness had nothing to do with a lack of love in my life. I was loved. It was an existential angst that was impossible to articulate. So we did what any self-respecting childless couple in their thirties does - we stopped trying to conceive, we sold our house, put all our stuff in storage and moved to the beach.

We spent ten months living like college students - college students with money. We roller-bladed, jogged, dined out, shopped, and lived the high life until the novelty of it wore off. Then we considered our options. My husband desperately wanted a biological child. I wanted to adopt. I had travelled through my angst to the other side. I knew that parenthood was much more than nine months of pregnancy. I knew that I wanted to be a parent, and that adoption was simply another way to do just that. Adoption wasn't "settling," or "the next best thing;" it was something I was excited to pursue.

But I respected my husband's wishes to have a biological child. So we saw a specialist who put me through more tests (I thought I had been through all of them and had tried everything). I agreed to try for six months to conceive - no more, no less. Our agreement was that if I was not pregnant in six months, we would pursue adoption. I was pregnant the following month. Apparently, looking the demon (infertility) in the eyes and laughing at him makes one incredibly fertile. Our daughter, Georgia, is now six and she is an angel from heaven.

We agreed that our second child would be an adopted child. We had been blessed with a biological child and we felt -feel - that we are the right family to provide a home to a child who would otherwise be lost in an impersonal and cruel system. So began the paperwork, evaluations, fingerprinting, and reports - and that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Here, I hope to chronicle the manual side of adoption - the nuts and bolts from a lay-person's perspective - as well as the emotional journey we have undertaken. We have been "assigned" a beautiful two-year old girl named Song Song. We plan to travel to Shenzhen in June or July to bring her home. We are excited beyond words.