I have four stones on my desk at work, each etched with a Chinese symbol. The first is the symbol for courage, the second is the symbol for beauty, the third is the symbol for change, and the fourth is the symbol for river.
The symbol for river is three parallel lines etched in black ink on a white polished rock. It is my favorite of the four. It reminds me that life possesses a current, and while it's possible to direct one's course, fighting against the current is fruitless. It's best to let the current assist in one's course.
When we discovered that adopting a healthy infant from China would take two years, my husband and I asked our agency to supply us with information about any children who are older but who haven't been adopted yet due to minor medical issues (such as needing glasses or having a birth mark, for example. Depending on the country, these children are sometimes considered an embarrassment because they are "imperfect.") We explained to the agency that we hoped that the gap in our children's ages are not too wide, so that they might share some of the same interests and activities. So the agency started sending us information about older children.
Several of the children had cleft palates. I didn't realize that correction of a cleft palate requires several surgeries throughout the child's life. As the jaw and face grows, more surgeries are needed. Often speech therapy is necessary, and children with this condition may be more susceptible to certain infections. Depending upon insurance, some - but not all - medical intervention may be covered.
Another child we considered had a large port wine stain on her upper lip. The doctors we consulted thought it might fade over time, but that was speculation. We told the agency we would like to be adopt her, but another family was chosen. Fortunately for this child, she was wanted by more than one family.
Song Song's medical records arrived along with medical records for a little girl with a cleft lip and palate that was corrected. Song Song's medical condition was a kidney problem that was corrected. We sent both sets of medical records to the University of Washington Center for Adoption Medicine for review. A few weeks after the doctors had a chance to look at both sets of records, we had a meeting with them. My initial impression of each medical profile was that Song Song's condition involved more unknowns, and the other little girl had no outstanding issues. In fact, the opposite was the case. The little girl with the cleft palate would require a lot of medical care in the future, while Song Song appears to have no outstanding medical issues.
Through this review, we felt as though we were studying the teeth of a racehorse. It was necessary to evaluate the impact this child's health will have on our family. Because Song Song's health appears to be optimal, we chose her.
That said, I knew she was ours the moment I saw her picture. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just the current, carrying me along.