Comments on A Song Heard Far Away: Why Do You Want To Know?

Leezer: I love what your husband said. Falling in...

2007-04-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

Leezer: I love what your husband said. Falling in love quickly and completely is true for me, too, and my husband has pointed it out as both a strength and a weakness. I can see how it has its bad points, but more than anything I think that a capacity to love like that is the greatest thing about a person. And now I guess I sound pretty darn full of myself.

Oh, and in response to your comment to Naynay -- You're a better person than I am. Working in a peds office outside of Trenton, NJ, we get our share of impoverished, broken families, where the kids have been emotionally abandoned and the mother is simply more interested in getting her welfare check each month than she is in taking responsibility for herself or her offpsring. 24 years old, 5 kids under the age of 5, sure, why not? Let's just say I let my mind go there.

Naynay:You're smart. I don't do the it's not fair...

2007-03-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

Naynay:
You're smart. I don't do the it's not fair-thing either. Because I have a disabled sister who is older than I am, I grew up with seeing life's unfairness. It's sort of freeing, not having to worry about fairness. It's a time waster. Life isn't fair. Plus, what's the objective standard? The person who seems to have it all is often the most unhappy. Wherever you go, there you are.

I used to work for the medicaid branch of Horizon ...

2007-03-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

I used to work for the medicaid branch of Horizon Blue Cross and Blue Shield in Trenton, NJ and I too witnessed women who were 18-25 with 2,3,4+ kids. At first I was shocked and appalled but like anything you deal with every day, I got used to it. I never say, "it's not fair" but I do, from time to time, think about how f'ed up it is. All I can do is hope I raise my kids the best I can. Also I hope my nephew grows up to be a good guy. That is all I can hope for.

Thanks for your nice comment, Naynay. When I was ...

2007-03-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your nice comment, Naynay. When I was going through infertility stuff, I would go into court and prosecute petty thefts and misdemeanors. These women would bring along three, four different kids, all by different fathers, and the Mom would be like 25. The kids would sit there in court with her like it was a normal day at the doctor's office or something, but she'd be charged with DUI or assault or something. I would never let my mind wander to that dark place where you think, "It isn't fair, it isn't fair...."

Booda Baby:That's right. I filled out the answers,...

2007-03-28T17:31:00.000-07:00

Booda Baby:
That's right. I filled out the answers, I did the math. I benefit in the end, right?

I'm surprised at how many people don't talk about the process. I think it's because we - I - don't want to be seen as complaining, which isn't what I hope to communicate. THat said, it is awfully consuming. It isn't for the weak at heart.

Anon:"Fakey fakerpants." Ha ha! Yes, they're proba...

2007-03-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

Anon:

"Fakey fakerpants." Ha ha! Yes, they're probably pretty well-versed in those.

Think Jacob Profound Man:Yes, you're very right. ...

2007-03-28T17:27:00.000-07:00

Think Jacob Profound Man:
Yes, you're very right. I have examined myself to the point I'm sick of me. I guess I just assumed everyone else does the same thing. Maybe not, and the agency has to make sure everyone has thought these things through. Still, my response, if people hadn't thought of these things, would be DUH.

Mae:I understand completely. I was filling out an ...

2007-03-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

Mae:
I understand completely. I was filling out an application for Georgia to go to a fancy-pants school (I think Bill Gates went there) and one of questions was "Tell us how your child will contribute to the diversity of the school." Well first of all, my daughter is white, and she's healthy and has opposite sex-parents and she doesn't have any disabilities. I didn't know what to say so I never filled it out.

This entry can go hand in hand with what you wrote...

2007-03-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

This entry can go hand in hand with what you wrote at the top of your blog. You need very specific qualifications to adopt a child, but not to biologically have one. That to me is amazing. Obviously, there is no way to actually prevent people from having babies but I wish there was way.

Very good post Leezer. I think more people should step back and take a look at what is really important to them. The world would be a happier, more fulfilled place.

Maybe it has been a year, but once the impact's be...

2007-03-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

Maybe it has been a year, but once the impact's been made/the knowledge arrived at (or whatever the hell that observation was by someone very smart) - it's a done deal and there you are. Changed.

This is THE most fascinating process you're going through. I just thought I should admit that we have friends who've recently returned with beeeeoooootiful babies, but said friends weren't so forthcoming and articulate about things, so it was all one big fat mystery.

I like mysteries solved, I guess.

not only are they looking for those weirdo answers...

2007-03-28T09:14:00.000-07:00

not only are they looking for those weirdo answers, they are also looking for the fakey fakerpants answers. Not having any problems is just as much a red flag as having too many.

I liked it when you said, "I realized that the que...

2007-03-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

I liked it when you said, "I realized that the questions were not for the agency but for me."

Perhaps that was true. They don't really want to know that stuff about you, but they want you to think about those things. I'm sure you had to do multiple interviews, and perhaps this was more of a preparation for that.

I don't know. I have no point of reference.

I know what you mean about pouting/fuming about a ...

2007-03-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

I know what you mean about pouting/fuming about a statement to make about oneself. I had to do something similar for Madison recently (an application for a magnet school, though it doesn't compare to being screened as a parent). I also came upon another obstacle when I was forced to only check ONE box or our application would be rejected. Was Madison, Asian? Or was she Caucasian? Just check ONE box. My husband said the same thing your husband did when I started talking to myself. "Just play the game."

Argh!